Tuesday, March 12, 2013

time goes by

I haven't traveled down the blog road for a while.  Not because I grew tired of it, not because I didn't miss it...but life has been so busy.  I have been so busy watching my boys grow up, best friends get married and it's Springtime at work- and that in itself can make my head spin.

Here's a little update to get the blog vibes going again:

The other morning my older son mentioned to his daddy while getting ready for school, "Owen has one big ear and one little ear."  Then in case daddy had never noticed it before, in true Jamin fashion, he showed daddy what he meant with a quick poke to Owen's right ear.

This is the first time Jamin has ever mentioned, or I think really noticed, Owen's microtia/atresia.  I occasionally google developmental milestones and I know right around three is when pre-schoolers start to really notice differences in others, differences in themselves.  He wasn't malicious, just stating the facts, you know- in case we didn't realize it ourselves.

Daddy was telling me this story in the evening after work and I decided now would be a good time for a true mom moment.  I sat next to Jamin and explained happily and calmly that one day, when Owen is a big boy, we hope that the Dr. will be able to give Owen two big boys ears and Owen will be so happy and it will be special.

An immediate and resounding "NO!" from Jamin and he ran from me to give Mickey Mouse Clubhouse his full attention.  He's not always the most agreeable, or willing to have a sentimental mommy son conversation, when Mickey is on.  He has his priorities!  I guess I can save my serious conversations for my kids when they are a little bit older than two-going-on-three.

Jamin is my little crystal ball into the future with Owen.  In a month Jamin will be three.  I try to picture Owen bigger, speaking and verbalizing his thoughts.  I wonder if around this same age he will mention in passing, without much emotional attachment (like Jamin showed), that he realizes he has a "little ear" and unilateral hearing.  I wonder what it would sound like for an almost-three-year-old try to verbalize their awareness of a difference in themselves.

Jamin is right at the cusp of the age when Owen will most likely begin his surgeries for atresia repair (if he is a candidate) and then following up that surgery in the summer with reconstructive microtia repair.  It is our hope and prayer is that we will be spending the summer of 2015 in LA with the leading craniofacial pediatric plastic surgeon.

Today as I was feeding Owen his bottle and watching him drift off to sleep I thanked God for my perfect little boy.  I remind myself daily to thank God for Owen. For both my healthy boys.  When I feel moments of anxiety, when my mind wanders to those secret mom places where worry can take over, I know they have to be fleeting- I have been blessed beyond measure with the ability to have healthy children, to even have children at all.  There is so much to be thankful for.

Rediscovering my blog tonight I discovered this passage that was given to me in a card after Owen was born from a family friend.  It was exactly the words I needed then and it still brings me a huge sense of security:

"Your son is here not by chance,
but by God's choosing.
His hand formed him
and made him the person he is.
God compared him to no one else-
he is one of a kind.
Your son will lack nothing
that God's grace can't give him."

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