Friday, August 6, 2010

A Mommy's Dilemma

Today would have been my first day back to work at Countryside if I were still living back in Pinellas. But instead, here I am in Rockledge, hanging with my baby, and watching Grey's Anatomy!

Since talks of moving over to the East coast have come up there has been the inevitable question of if I am going back to work. Back home, this was a no-brainer. I already had the job and we had some good quality choices for childcare. It just seems different now here. Jamin most likely wont have a nanny but instead have to go to a daycare which worries me. The more research I do online the more freaked out I become. To be honest, Jamin is a great baby but he definately has his trying days where crying is endless and he's especially irratable. It's enough to wear down a mommy, but I do what I need to do- but would a childcare worker have the patience? It breaks my heart to think of him crying and not being comforted, because in reality not all babies can have full attention in a daycare. Even worse, having him crying out for me and I am nowhere in sight. It feels like a betrayal when he is this little and I'm afraid the guilt would eat me alive. ::sigh::

It's a weird feeling because I feel selfish with whichever way I choose. Staying at home seems selfish because I am depending on Jud to bring home all the bacon (and to pay off my student loans, which seems pointless now!) And to go back to work seems selfish because extra cash isnt the same as extra time with a child.

I'm singing the same sad story I think every new mom deals with- as women,were raised to now set out and make our own way, but does it clash with the realities of having little babies? What do other momma's think?


  1. Obviously, this decision is something you and Jud have to come to an agreement on. But if you can stay home, I would. Enjoy the time you have with Jamin to be able to be the one to experiance all his firsts :) Even though you have student loans to pay off, it doesn't mean you got your degree in vain. It just means you might not be using it as soon as you thought! I think this decision was easier for me because I planned on staying home from the moment I found out I was pregnant (as long as it was doable, financially). You do whatever you feel is best for your family!! :)

  2. I'm not a mama, but there will be plenty of time for you to work once Jamin starts school...and once he gets out of school he'll be an adult! Right now is so precious (if it's something you guys can actually do). Maybe you could even be someone else's nanny at some point to earn some extra cash and have a buddy for little J. :)

  3. Stay home! At least the 1st year if you can. I'm going back to work, but only because I have to. Work will wait. You'll only be a first time mom once, enjoy your sweet little boy. I'm jealous!


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